Is There Life Off the Couch?

It wasn’t that comfortable, the couch. I never planned to park myself there and sort of navigate life from that perspective. Not really. But by about the time I turned 50, I was spending increasing amounts of time on that old, brown IKEA couch, watching hours of TV and shoving fistfuls of junk food into my mouth. I wasn’t even hungry. Again, not really. But I couldn’t stop. Couldn’t stop eating. Couldn’t stop lounging. A vicious cycle and I couldn’t find my way out.

I was 50. And grossly overweight. Morbidly obese is what my medical records noted.

Miserable is what I called it.

It’s not that I didn’t want to get moving. But how? Every time I tried exercise, I hurt myself. Every time I tried a diet, I felt deprived and angry. I tried every single diet and exercise program with such conviction, noting, ‘This time it’s going to stick. It’s going to work, I just know it.’ But it didn’t, time and again. I worked in a school, so every vacation break we had would find me on day 1 in a bookstore, scouring the self-help and dieting sections. I was determined to find ‘the next answer to Jill’s problem’. As if I could find it in a book.

What put me there on the couch to begin with? Perhaps that is the real story.

I ate to numb. I didn’t like to feel deep emotions, so I learned early on that eating took away the discomfort. The more I ate, the more I needed to eat. The shame that came from eating all that food (‘Has anyone seen the last of the pie?’… all eyes look at me) and the embarrassment over weighing almost 300 pounds on my short 5’5” frame was overwhelming. So I continued eating to take all that away. Ridiculous, I know, but it was all I knew. I hated that my problem was so obvious. I was growing out of my clothing. Everything was tight and uncomfortable. I couldn’t wear the cute clothes of my peers. I couldn’t hide, my growing body was there for everyone to see. Everyone could see I was out of control.

I eventually took a step back and gained insight on why this was happening, why I was sabotaging myself.

What was I really hungry for? It wasn’t food.

I finally found my answer. And in doing so, I developed my approach for helping other women get off the couch and into life. Through this experience, Whole Body and Me was born. I have such a respect for how we as women process emotions and hold everything together, but sadly it’s often to our own detriment. As I fine-tuned my focus, I received a huge boost in self-esteem and confidence. As the weight came off and I could actually move around unencumbered, I gained an enormous love for being active outdoors. Imagine that! I loved going for hikes and getting out on the water with my new kayak. Suddenly, I had energy to participate in life. I was spending less time on the couch, practically none, in fact.

Today, I help my clients get off the couch and into life. I love watching their confidence grow as they gently explore what it feels like to step outside their comfort zone, at first just for a moment, then expanding that experience. Once they find things are safe off the couch, we find other steps to take to continue the momentum.

How about you? Are you a couch-parker? Do you dream of what amazingness could be waiting for you outside the confines of parked couch-dom? Just imagine…

XOXO

Jill